You are an escort, a sex worker, or a Sugar Baby, and now your kid has found out. What do you do next?
Parents have many anxieties that come with escorting. One of those anxieties is raising a child who will be bullied because of their parent's occupation. This is the most dreaded scenario, the thing that they fear most.
The earlier you start teaching your child empathy and trust, the better. It will set a foundation for them to grow from. When it finally comes time to have difficult conversations, the things that you planted long ago while they were babies will show their worth.
Always talk with your child, but do so in a way he will understand. When you talk to him, use words and phrases that he understands and don't overwhelm him by providing too much information. Remember his age, and always start by asking what HE knows about a topic. Once you get an idea of his knowledge on a subject, then you can adjust how you approach it to make it easier for him to understand. We advise to not use big words or go off on long explanations. Be brief, honest and straightforward when possible.
Avoid giving him any reason to lose their trust in you.
Trust is critical in any relationship, whether it's a mother-child relationship, friendships, or partnerships. It's important to be reliable and keep your word when you promise or say something. You should always treat your children as equals- not mindless babies. You should also make sure that you do what you promised to do, and tell them the truth even if it may be uncomfortable for her.
Trust and honesty are crucial aspects of any relationship. Begin this exercise while your child is little and work on building trust. You'll find that when the time comes, even if he doesn't agree with your life choices, he will trust that you did what you thought was best for the both of you. He'll believe that you're trustworthy and have his best interests in mind.
It's important to be honest with the people around you
He found out about what your line of work is, and he's feeling ashamed, betrayed, angry? Let him feel that way. It's his right to have certain emotions. You don't need to sugarcoat the truth or "make it all go away". Emotions are a part of life, and we can only move on when we've been through them all.
If he becomes angry and aggressive after finding out something about your work, it may be because he's disturbed by the idea of you coming into contact with those feelings. Let him have some time to process. After a few days, think of a way to talk to him again. Meet him in a safe space and tell him all about your motivations and emotional experience on this topic.
Acknowledge his emotions and that you understand how he feels. You let him know that he will feel hurt, betrayed, embarrassed, angry, and so on. You tell him that it is okay to feel that way, and reassure him by telling him you love him. You also let him know you are there to answer any questions he may have.
In the face of major change, big words, serious conversation, big emotions…we rush. We want everything to be better so quickly. The storm will end, we say to ourselves, as long as I don’t make things worse by lingering in the discomfort. But the storm can only pass if you stay in it for a while together with your child. Don't be afraid of their reactions and emotions - they are going to be big. Be patient with them and support them, don’t say “I did this for you, for us," even if there is truth in that statement because that would leave him feeling like he’s part of the problem right now. Don’t argue or withdraw your love from him when he needs you most.
If you maintain love and trust in your child, after the storms have passed, they will return back into your arms. They might not like whatever it is that you're doing for work, but at least you'll have their trust again. Don't underestimate what your children can do despite their delicate appearance—they are powerful and smart. Talk to them with sincerity, treat them with respect, and always tell them the truth.
And for the future, you can brainstorm together of ways to overcome the bullies in school, things that are said or done at home to protect him, and what can be done with your spouse and children to keep your family strong.
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